Apparently when actor Mel Gibson drinks, he forgets one of the most important celebrity miranda rights — Whatever you say or do will be held against you in a court of tabloids as early as the very next day.

Sure enough, and much to the dismay of the famous Braveheart actor and director, the words said this past weekend will he held against Gibson for a very long time — as they should.

According to the L.A. County Sherrif’s department report, obtained by entertainment news website TMZ.com, Gibson was arrested Friday on suspicion of drunken driving. During the arrest process, he became belligerent and went on a tirade.

“F*****g Jews… The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” he said. Then he asked the arresting deputy, “Are you a Jew?”

The first thought I had after reading of the incident was how the reaction would differ had other religions or races been mentioned the same way.

The second thought I had involved anger and frustration — at the “Chappelle’s Show” for no longer producing new material, because this would have been perfect.

What would be better than having comedian Dave Chappelle’s show, made famous for poking fun at the stupidity in racism and bigotry by way of comedic sketches, joke Gibson’s quite revealing recent incident?

I’d imagine that the skit would go something like this –

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Scene opens with a tinted Lexus shown cruising down the Pacific Coast Highway at a high speed. A police squad car pursues and flags down the vehicle. Two officers, Charlie Murphy and a random Jewish cop named Larry, get out of the police car and approach the car from both sides – Larry on the driver side, Charlie on the passenger side. Loud Scottish music can be heard from inside the vehicle, which still has its windows rolled up. Larry knocks on the driver’s window.

Larry: “Sir, could you please roll down the window?”

The window slowly rolls down, to reveal Chappelle as Mel Gibson, complete with a white face and brown hair, covered in blue war face-paint from the movie Braveheart. He appears angry and is swaying from side to side, while he attempts to slide alcohol bottles into his back seat and out of the view.

Gibson: “What the f**k do you want?”

Larry: “Holy sh*t! You’re Mel Gibson! Wow… Mr. Braveheart himself. I really love your movies!”

G: “Yep, that’s me. What, do you want an autograph or something?”

It’s clear that Gibson is slurring his words and is swaying.

G: “How bout I give you boys an autograph and then be on my way?”

L: “Hey, Charlie! You seeing this? We pulled over Braveheart!”

Charlie: “No sh*t, you’re right! Man, Mr. Gibson, I loved you in Lethal Weapon. That mullet was some bullsh*t but you and Danny Glover whooped some serious ass. And them females you had were no joke.”

L: “I’ve got an idea! Wait here, I’m going to go grab a camera!”

Larry runs back to the car and brings back his camera phone.

L: “Ok, get out of the car so we can take a few pictures.”

G: “Um… I really can’t, I’ve got to go… early shooting time for Braveheart 2 tomorrow so I should probably go…”

L: “It’s just a simple picture. It shouldn’t take but a few seconds.”

Gibson looks back into his car through the corner of his eye at bottles lying on the front passenger side floor. Charlie points his flashlight at the bottles and appears startled.

C: “Hey, Braveheart, you been drinking?”

G: “Um, no… I just haven’t cleaned… my car in… a long while. That’s about it.”

Larry spots the bottles on the passenger floor. He shines his light into the vehicle.

L: “Mr. Gibson would you please step out of the vehicle?”

Gibson looks around at the open highway, looks back into his vehicle, attempting to shove more bottles into the backseat and out of the police view. He slowly opens the car door, kicking bottles at his own feet in the process. He staggers out of the vehicle and shuts the door behind him.

G: “Ok, let’s go ahead and take this picture and get it over with.”

L: “Put your hands behind your head and turn around, Mr. Gibson.”

G: “Wait, no, I said we can do this picture… let’s just do that and go.”

Charlie comes around to the driver side and waits close-by, ready to pounce. He flashes his light into the vehicle again and in the back seat reveals dozens of empty Tequila bottles scattered.

C: “Larry, man, check this out…”

Larry glances in, sees all the bottles. He and Charlie look at each other, then at Gibson.

G: “Look, fellas, fellas… I can explain…”

Gibson makes a run for it, in between the officers. He’s snagged by both, and they wrestle for control. They subdue him for a moment, only to have Gibson try and fight away again. Gibson begins crying as he fights back.

G: “F**k, man. You can’t arrest me! I own Malibu! I’ll arrest you, you mothaf**kers!”

The struggle carries on briefly, then Gibson stares down Larry.

G: “F*****g Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world!”

Larry and Charlie hold Gibson back, baffled. Cut to ten minutes later as Gibson is summing up his “Blame the Jews” rant.

G: “Afghanistan, Osama, Saddaam? Jews inspired them all! All those crazy ass North Koreans? Jews. 9/11? Jews. Nicole Simpson’s real killer was a Jew! Jews are responsible for high gas prices!”

Gibson finally pauses, looks up at the officers and notices how upset Larry appears.

G: “Wait… are you a Jew?”

Larry pulls out his police baton as he angrily stares down Gibson.

G: “Shit… I was kidding! Ha! That was just, um… a new monologue for Braveheart 2 when, um… the Scottish and Jewish fight back in one scene and… yeah…”

Larry and Charlie both have their batons ready to go as they have Gibson cornered at the car. Gibson makes a dive into the car and grabs a half-full bottle of tequila. He pops the top off and starts chugging. The officers start beating Gibson with their batons. He’s still trying to finish off the tequila. Gibson attempts to fight off the officers but is quickly losing the battle.

Finally, the camera switches to slow motion and he launches the tequila bottle dramatically into the air, screaming:

G: “Freeeeeeeedoooooooommmm!!!”

Camera fades out, then back in to a shot of Gibson in the back seat of the police car bloody and bruised. He’s still mumbling in the back seat.

G: “God damnit, I’m rich, bitch! I own Malibu!”

Scene ends… for now. Scene two involves fake apology, followed by showdown with pack of Rabbis and famous Jewish celebrities.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Without the famous comedian around to create this scene in its best form, we’ll just have to assume that his version would be a hundred times funnier, and it would do all of Gibson’s injustice justice — in comedic form.

The Mel Gibson apology, sent out from his publicist, acknowledged how he regrets relapsing into the “disease of alcoholism,” and how he is already taking the “necessary steps to ensure” his return to health.

He shouldn’t look forward to a quickly forgiving Jewish community, nor should be be quickly forgiven.

If the saying “a drunk man speaks a sober man’s mind” is true, Gibson has a lot of Jewish hatred buried deep down – but clearly not far enough.

Tequila can’t be the only thing to blame for Gibson’s tirade. I bet if you would’ve asked Gibson the night of the incident he’d know exactly who to blame for his tirade.

But now that the famous actor is sober and now knows the complete calamity he’s made of his reputation, what is he to do? He already caught heat from critics of his epic film “The Passion of the Christ” who said the Jews were depicted in negative stereotypes. Even his own father claimed that the Holocaust was mostly “fiction” and he stopped just short of backing up his good ol’ pops.

The signs of Gibson’s anti-Semitism were there before, but it took a bottle of tequila and a Jewish cop, apparently, to help reveal to the world the truth buried inside of just one of many very opinionated Hollywood celebrities.

Gibson’s reputation will be tarnished, even worse than Tom Cruise when his psychopathic tendencies were found out. But there is a way to actively pursue other celebrities who are bound to have a Gibson-esque bigot moment — using reality TV.

A show could pick out celebrities at random, and place them in hard-luck situations to see how they react when things aren’t going their way. Hidden cameras will capture every moment and finally, when the celebrity reaches their breaking point and their true selves are revealed, everyone will pop from behind the cameras and laugh off the “joke” played.

Wait… this show already exists. Ever heard of “Punked” on MTV?

If not, check it out sometime.

If you have, maybe you should just take a closer look.

Ashton Kutcher may just turn out to be as important to ousting bigots as Jose Canseco is with steroid abusers.

Wow.