Now that Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt, expect the ladies of America to flock towards the Illinois senator en masse, starting first in Pennsylvania, carrying on to Groupieville, U.S.A.We shall call it the “Pitt Bump,” though this sounds more like something you get from too much of living the lifestyle we assume Pitt lived before he settled down with his latest boo.

Who digs these things up?

Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton is a distant relative of Angelina Jolie. If Clinton were to miraculously win the Democratic nomination, she could brush past Obama and tab Jolie as her running mate.

Foreign policy? Jolie has ADOPTED kids from more countries than Clinton has visited (80, if you believe her) and is a staunch believer in the sciences. Ask her former mate, Billy Bob Thornton, who assisted in a certain blood experiment years ago…

But seriously though, can the researcher who keeps linking famous people to famous people give back to the community?

Let me know I’m related to one of the Hilton’s so I can get PAID? We will call it the “Hilton Hump”…

Oops, Freudian slip! Meant to say, “Bump”. *aw baby*

Follow-up incoming…

One would hope that having a billion dollar empire, the protection of one’s ass(ets) would be a priority. But, of course, hindsight is 20-20, and now Sir Paul McCartney has officially learned the hard way.

Losing more pennies than Charles Barkley after a weekend in Vegas, McCartney’s ex-wife, Heather Mills, officially gets $48.6 million per the divorce settlement officially ruled on today.

To marginalize the meaning of this marriage the way I know how — in sports terms — Mills ends up with a marriage contract worth the equivalent of $12 million a year. In local terms, she got as much as Miguel Tejada did with the Orioles up until they traded him to Houston this year.

All things considered — McCartney and Mills did have a 4-year-old together — pending further review into the numbers, Mills proved to be more productive for McCartney than Tejada for the O’s.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again:

You control the fate of your own ass; both literally and figuratively.

Sitting atop the list of the most odd stories of the fresh new year is the report that a 35-year-old woman in Kansas sat on a toilet for two straight years. During the prolonged, self-imposed sit-in, her extremely dedicated and most likely equally twisted boyfriend brought her food, water and changes of clothing.

My question to the ladies: Is this romantic enough for you?

As we know, no good deed can go unpunished, after the boyfriend called the authorities on February 27 to report his potty princess’s health issues, the sheriff who arrived at the scene is trying to place get charges filed.

I have to side with the boyfriend on this case, as hard as it is right now, considering there’s more of this story to come out. He stood by his lady through a very traumatic, odd experience and finally called the authorities when he knew her life was in danger. His logic in maintaining his relationship, rather than “flushing it,” — so to speak — baffles me. But, nevertheless, he supported his “potty princess” through it all and should be commended.

People do crazy things when they’re in love. Why should we be so surprised two people were able to maintain a relationship in a bathroom?

This has to be the most disturbing relationships a person has ever had with their lady and toilet since Al Bundy.

One of the most intriguing figures in the now infamous “Spitzer Scandal,” is Governor Eliot Spitzer’s estranged wife, Mrs. Silda Alice Wall Spitzer.

During Gov. Spitzer’s apology, and subsequent resignation, Mrs. Spitzer could be seen in the background with her face pale and exhausted, assuming the same role as many wives of powerful men before her — standing by her man.

But is she doing more than just literally standing by her man?

What is the thought process going through her mind? Was she privy to his freelancing? Or, if not, how outraged is she at finding out about his infidelities by way of a media rainstorm?

One story in the New York Post has a family friend saying that, for now, Mrs. Spitzer will ride out this storm with her husband.

Can Gov. Spitzer pull a Kobe Bryant and rebound (pun intended) with his wife by purchasing some ignorantly large and expensive “bling” for his second-in-command? Would she even accept that, considering how far his “mighty” has fallen?

Even as the Spitzers drop back out of public life (as much as the paparazzi will let them) and attempt to iron out the many lumps in their marriage and family life, the prostitute from the scandal emerged and now has her 15 minutes of fame, a la Monica Lewitsky.

The New Jersey girl named as “Kristen” in the scandal, Ashley Alexandra Dupree, is a 22-year-old bartender/waitress/party girl. Her options now, given her newfound celebrity status, include choosing between Penthouse and Hustler magazine. Her latest cover on the New York Post is rather racy, and her status, looks and intrigue (choose one) earned her nearly 5 million hits on her MySpace page, where she promotes her musical aspirations. Her status and Spitzer’s long list of enemies combined to get her a free public defender who (surprise!) has a bone to pick with the ex-New York governor.

With “Kristen” cashing in on her moment in the sun, the “other woman,” Mrs. Spitzer, has to handle seeing her husband’s sins plastered all over the news. The three young daughters will ask questions and Mrs. Spitzer will be the one to try and explain why they are receiving extra attention, and why their daddy is unemployed now.

If your significant other admitted to a life of hypocrisy and wrongdoing, and jeopardized everything the two of you built together, would you stick around? Would you stand behind them as they denounce their own actions, or would you be far, far away, and less forgiving?

Ironically, we all know exactly what to do these difficult situations — that is, until it reaches our own doorstep.

Once touted as the second-coming of famous gangbuster Elliott Ness, and the “Who’s Now” of ethics-prosecutors, New York state governor Elliott Spitzer was implicated in a phone tap of a prostitution ring.

Here are a few links:

• The Smoking Gun
• Pictures of “The Emporer’s Club” website
• New York Post details