I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again:

You control the fate of your own ass; both literally and figuratively.

Sitting atop the list of the most odd stories of the fresh new year is the report that a 35-year-old woman in Kansas sat on a toilet for two straight years. During the prolonged, self-imposed sit-in, her extremely dedicated and most likely equally twisted boyfriend brought her food, water and changes of clothing.

My question to the ladies: Is this romantic enough for you?

As we know, no good deed can go unpunished, after the boyfriend called the authorities on February 27 to report his potty princess’s health issues, the sheriff who arrived at the scene is trying to place get charges filed.

I have to side with the boyfriend on this case, as hard as it is right now, considering there’s more of this story to come out. He stood by his lady through a very traumatic, odd experience and finally called the authorities when he knew her life was in danger. His logic in maintaining his relationship, rather than “flushing it,” — so to speak — baffles me. But, nevertheless, he supported his “potty princess” through it all and should be commended.

People do crazy things when they’re in love. Why should we be so surprised two people were able to maintain a relationship in a bathroom?

This has to be the most disturbing relationships a person has ever had with their lady and toilet since Al Bundy.

Thank goodness I don’t have any baby mommas right now! *knock on wood* Otherwise, my goal to make a trip overseas would be over before it started. Imagine wanting to go overseas, needing a passport, and finding out the total cost is $45,000? How about $300,000? If you’re like me, you’d quickly learn to love the states much, much more!

Fear not, folks without kiddies or even those with kids who possess legal custody - that high price tag will not affect you.

For the noncustodial baby’s daddies and mommas of America, know this: if you have outstanding child support payments exceeding $2,500, don’t expect to leave the states without paying up. And if you think think this method for catching “bad ‘rents” is pointless, check that Yahoo! story. The program has reportedly already brought in a total of $22.5 million so far in 2007.

Without that major hurdle in my way, all I need to worry about is the century of wait time it will takes to get a passport in-hand. I suspect the two issues are related but there are many other reasons the process has been tremendously slowed down recently.

On of those glaring reasons for an extremely slow passport process is how our overbearing country-parents, the U.S. Congress, decided to protect us from terrorism by invoking an order to require passports for simple visits to our immediate neighbors to the north (Canada) and south (Mexico). The result was in increase of passport requests by 5 million! With the increase in passports but not so much one of employees in the processing agency, the process tends to turnaround applications in terms of months, instead of the weeks it took before.

Why would my experience be any different? Maybe when I get to the post office, I’ll be informed of child support fees of some neglected chi’rins I had no idea about. Crossing my fingers, I’m en route for trip #1 and official day #1 in rounding up a ticket to exploring the world. Wish me luck. I bid you adieu.

Some people have New Years Resolutions. Some have the half-year renewal of commitment to the aforementioned resolutions.

And then there is me, who must recommit myself monthly to my various resolutions and goals, as I find myself buried in more of those R&Gs than any human could possibly keep up with. It happens. So here I am, at the end of July 06, admitting to my slacking on this website. I won’t use the obvious “I’ve been busy” excuse because at this point results are all that matters you, the reader.

That is, unless you cannot stand my work and would rather I leave this unattended and even better yet, give up completely on writing on a consistent basis. To those types — if not meant in a sarcastic, motivating tone — you are entitled to your opinion. But on this site, your opinion is only valid in comment or email form. So, get to it and show me that you’ve got a pair - of opinions, that is!

To the rest, I make my decree: Starting on Monday, I plan on posting a daily entry every Monday through Friday. Let’s not go too far thinking I’ll crawl into weekend postings, as I’ll focus my main energy on M-F. A more realistic goal, considering a full-time job and online courses, would be that I post about four articles a week. I’d rather limit articles if there are no interesting topics to cover. So moving on…

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Before I start off the weekend right, I’d like to give a sarcastic shout-out to Exxon Mobil, whose 2nd quarter profits increased 36 percent to a second-place record $10.4 billion. Who holds the record for highest profits, you ask? Amazing enough, Exxon Mobil, earning the top spot after pulling in $10.7 billion in the fourth quarter of 2005.

The stat CNN Money uses in its report breaks EM’s profits down quite well. They earn $1,318 in profit per second. So, in the 15 minutes it takes for me to throw together this quick entry, EM will earn $1,186,200 in profit.

The one thing that stands out between the two record earning quarters is that gas was ridiculously expensive both times. I paid $3.089 (love how they add the tenth of a cent onto the end… another complaint for another day) for each gallon of gas when I filled up the other day in Old Town Alexandria.

Americans should feel slighted. I know I do.

Basic business is simple - maximize profit, keep costs low in order to maximize profits and then, if you have shareholders, maximize their wealth. But shouldn’t the government step in at some point and set regulations on a natural resource so vital to the operation of the country?

That’s like lifting regulations on electricity and allowing electric companies to charge whatever price consumers would be willing to pay, while maximizing their profits. What would consumers do then? Get retro and break back out the candles and windmills?

Much the same, are Americans supposed to revolt against the high-rising gas prices by switching back to the bicycle? Roller blades? Kick, Push and Coast with the skateboard?

I don’t think so.

At some point, rich persons in power need to think about the lower end of the earnings bracket. Yes, it is great to promote the Great American Dream, which promises riches beyond all the eye can see, complete with freedoms galore. But when people can’t afford to pay the outrageous prices, what then?

It’s our government’s responsibility to help Americans attain their American Dreams, but not at the expense of exploiting fellow Americans.

If I were an executive at Exxon Mobil, my check would be quite a work of art, surely. But as a human being with a sense of the well-being of my fellow Americans, I’d have a problem with knowing that my company exploits the need for a natural resource in order to fatten my own piggy bank. But maybe I just don’t understand how “good” exploitation in prices is for the economy. Maybe I’ve just got it all twisted and should be rejoicing everytime I go out to the pump and have to pay an extra dollar or two per gallon. “Well, the prices are outrageous but at least our economy will get stronger!”

I think I’ll go out and purchase some stock in Exxon Mobil soon. As long as they’re going to keep screwing me for my dollars, I may as well try and earn those extra pennies per gallon back slowly through their stocks!