I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again:

You control the fate of your own ass; both literally and figuratively.

Sitting atop the list of the most odd stories of the fresh new year is the report that a 35-year-old woman in Kansas sat on a toilet for two straight years. During the prolonged, self-imposed sit-in, her extremely dedicated and most likely equally twisted boyfriend brought her food, water and changes of clothing.

My question to the ladies: Is this romantic enough for you?

As we know, no good deed can go unpunished, after the boyfriend called the authorities on February 27 to report his potty princess’s health issues, the sheriff who arrived at the scene is trying to place get charges filed.

I have to side with the boyfriend on this case, as hard as it is right now, considering there’s more of this story to come out. He stood by his lady through a very traumatic, odd experience and finally called the authorities when he knew her life was in danger. His logic in maintaining his relationship, rather than “flushing it,” — so to speak — baffles me. But, nevertheless, he supported his “potty princess” through it all and should be commended.

People do crazy things when they’re in love. Why should we be so surprised two people were able to maintain a relationship in a bathroom?

This has to be the most disturbing relationships a person has ever had with their lady and toilet since Al Bundy.

Thank goodness I don’t have any baby mommas right now! *knock on wood* Otherwise, my goal to make a trip overseas would be over before it started. Imagine wanting to go overseas, needing a passport, and finding out the total cost is $45,000? How about $300,000? If you’re like me, you’d quickly learn to love the states much, much more!

Fear not, folks without kiddies or even those with kids who possess legal custody – that high price tag will not affect you.

For the noncustodial baby’s daddies and mommas of America, know this: if you have outstanding child support payments exceeding $2,500, don’t expect to leave the states without paying up. And if you think think this method for catching “bad ‘rents” is pointless, check that Yahoo! story. The program has reportedly already brought in a total of $22.5 million so far in 2007.

Without that major hurdle in my way, all I need to worry about is the century of wait time it will takes to get a passport in-hand. I suspect the two issues are related but there are many other reasons the process has been tremendously slowed down recently.

On of those glaring reasons for an extremely slow passport process is how our overbearing country-parents, the U.S. Congress, decided to protect us from terrorism by invoking an order to require passports for simple visits to our immediate neighbors to the north (Canada) and south (Mexico). The result was in increase of passport requests by 5 million! With the increase in passports but not so much one of employees in the processing agency, the process tends to turnaround applications in terms of months, instead of the weeks it took before.

Why would my experience be any different? Maybe when I get to the post office, I’ll be informed of child support fees of some neglected chi’rins I had no idea about. Crossing my fingers, I’m en route for trip #1 and official day #1 in rounding up a ticket to exploring the world. Wish me luck. I bid you adieu.