Now that Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt, expect the ladies of America to flock towards the Illinois senator en masse, starting first in Pennsylvania, carrying on to Groupieville, U.S.A.We shall call it the “Pitt Bump,” though this sounds more like something you get from too much of living the lifestyle we assume Pitt lived before he settled down with his latest boo.

Who digs these things up?

Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton is a distant relative of Angelina Jolie. If Clinton were to miraculously win the Democratic nomination, she could brush past Obama and tab Jolie as her running mate.

Foreign policy? Jolie has ADOPTED kids from more countries than Clinton has visited (80, if you believe her) and is a staunch believer in the sciences. Ask her former mate, Billy Bob Thornton, who assisted in a certain blood experiment years ago…

But seriously though, can the researcher who keeps linking famous people to famous people give back to the community?

Let me know I’m related to one of the Hilton’s so I can get PAID? We will call it the “Hilton Hump”…

Oops, Freudian slip! Meant to say, “Bump”. *aw baby*

Follow-up incoming…

One would hope that having a billion dollar empire, the protection of one’s ass(ets) would be a priority. But, of course, hindsight is 20-20, and now Sir Paul McCartney has officially learned the hard way.

Losing more pennies than Charles Barkley after a weekend in Vegas, McCartney’s ex-wife, Heather Mills, officially gets $48.6 million per the divorce settlement officially ruled on today.

To marginalize the meaning of this marriage the way I know how — in sports terms — Mills ends up with a marriage contract worth the equivalent of $12 million a year. In local terms, she got as much as Miguel Tejada did with the Orioles up until they traded him to Houston this year.

All things considered — McCartney and Mills did have a 4-year-old together — pending further review into the numbers, Mills proved to be more productive for McCartney than Tejada for the O’s.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again:

You control the fate of your own ass; both literally and figuratively.

Sitting atop the list of the most odd stories of the fresh new year is the report that a 35-year-old woman in Kansas sat on a toilet for two straight years. During the prolonged, self-imposed sit-in, her extremely dedicated and most likely equally twisted boyfriend brought her food, water and changes of clothing.

My question to the ladies: Is this romantic enough for you?

As we know, no good deed can go unpunished, after the boyfriend called the authorities on February 27 to report his potty princess’s health issues, the sheriff who arrived at the scene is trying to place get charges filed.

I have to side with the boyfriend on this case, as hard as it is right now, considering there’s more of this story to come out. He stood by his lady through a very traumatic, odd experience and finally called the authorities when he knew her life was in danger. His logic in maintaining his relationship, rather than “flushing it,” — so to speak — baffles me. But, nevertheless, he supported his “potty princess” through it all and should be commended.

People do crazy things when they’re in love. Why should we be so surprised two people were able to maintain a relationship in a bathroom?

This has to be the most disturbing relationships a person has ever had with their lady and toilet since Al Bundy.

One of the most intriguing figures in the now infamous “Spitzer Scandal,” is Governor Eliot Spitzer’s estranged wife, Mrs. Silda Alice Wall Spitzer.

During Gov. Spitzer’s apology, and subsequent resignation, Mrs. Spitzer could be seen in the background with her face pale and exhausted, assuming the same role as many wives of powerful men before her — standing by her man.

But is she doing more than just literally standing by her man?

What is the thought process going through her mind? Was she privy to his freelancing? Or, if not, how outraged is she at finding out about his infidelities by way of a media rainstorm?

One story in the New York Post has a family friend saying that, for now, Mrs. Spitzer will ride out this storm with her husband.

Can Gov. Spitzer pull a Kobe Bryant and rebound (pun intended) with his wife by purchasing some ignorantly large and expensive “bling” for his second-in-command? Would she even accept that, considering how far his “mighty” has fallen?

Even as the Spitzers drop back out of public life (as much as the paparazzi will let them) and attempt to iron out the many lumps in their marriage and family life, the prostitute from the scandal emerged and now has her 15 minutes of fame, a la Monica Lewitsky.

The New Jersey girl named as “Kristen” in the scandal, Ashley Alexandra Dupree, is a 22-year-old bartender/waitress/party girl. Her options now, given her newfound celebrity status, include choosing between Penthouse and Hustler magazine. Her latest cover on the New York Post is rather racy, and her status, looks and intrigue (choose one) earned her nearly 5 million hits on her MySpace page, where she promotes her musical aspirations. Her status and Spitzer’s long list of enemies combined to get her a free public defender who (surprise!) has a bone to pick with the ex-New York governor.

With “Kristen” cashing in on her moment in the sun, the “other woman,” Mrs. Spitzer, has to handle seeing her husband’s sins plastered all over the news. The three young daughters will ask questions and Mrs. Spitzer will be the one to try and explain why they are receiving extra attention, and why their daddy is unemployed now.

If your significant other admitted to a life of hypocrisy and wrongdoing, and jeopardized everything the two of you built together, would you stick around? Would you stand behind them as they denounce their own actions, or would you be far, far away, and less forgiving?

Ironically, we all know exactly what to do these difficult situations — that is, until it reaches our own doorstep.

Once touted as the second-coming of famous gangbuster Elliott Ness, and the “Who’s Now” of ethics-prosecutors, New York state governor Elliott Spitzer was implicated in a phone tap of a prostitution ring.

Here are a few links:

• The Smoking Gun
• Pictures of “The Emporer’s Club” website
• New York Post details

Obama has breached the 1 million mark of donors to his presidential campaign. This, of course, is unheard of in American politics.

Already Clinton has felt the wrath of his following — his fandom, if you will — so if she officially goes down for the count after March 4, Republican John McCain need be very, very worried.

At the start of last night’s debate in Cleveland, Ohio, MSNBC played a clip of Senator Hillary Clinton mocking Obama’s speeches of grand optimism and hopefulness upcoming:

“The sky will open. The lights will come down. Celestial choirs will be singing and everyone will know we should do the right thing and the world will be perfect.”

When asked how he would respond to Clinton, Obama smiled and responded with answer that produced laughter from the crowd:

“Sounds good. (crowd laughs) I thought Sen. showed some good humor there. I would give her points for delivery.”

This was one of the many points where Obama maintained his poise despite an open charge being placed against him, avoided getting defensive (like some of us would in the same situation), and gave a good-natured, smart response that deflected attention back to the national issue raised.

On another occasion, Obama was asked in a very blunt and outright manner what he thought about Louis Farrakhan — the acting head of the Nation of Islam who has made comments cribed as antisemitic, homophobic and racist — endorsing him for president. He answered quite succinctly that he never openly solicited Farrakhan’s support, and outright “denounced” the NOI leader’s demeaning statements he completely disagreed with.

To push the point, Clinton inferred that Obama should “reject” supporters like Farrakhan outright, instead of simply “denouncing” his insensitive remarks.

Obama’s response scored big in the Ohio crowd and, admittedly, in my own viewing quarters:

“If Senator Clinton feels that ‘reject’ is stronger than the word ‘denounce,’ then I’m happy to concede the point, and I would reject and denounce…”

Obama’s superb answer proved once again — a meaningful point when looking at the national race against the GOP party — that he is a candidate with the ability to absorb criticisms from the opposition but maintain his cool and respond with a composed and calm manner, even if it means conceding to a limit.

Here are a few main issues reiterated tonight among the candidates:

On the Iraq war…

• Obama reiterates his outright opposition from the start, promotes his “good judgment.”
• Clinton conceded that she wishes she could go back and change her vote.
• Both want to withdraw troops from Iraq and call the war poorly run and waged on false pretenses.

On NAFTA…

• Clinton says she’s been against NAFTA “from day one.” Then says “since I’ve been in the Senate, I’ve been opposed to it.”
• Obama says in Clinton’s campaign she said NAFTA was “good for New York and good for America.” He says she has conflicting statements (Russert agrees) and added that NAFTA “must not just good for Wall Street, but good for Main Street.”
• Both want to go back and renegotiate NAFTA to benefit the middle-class workers, with the threat of opting out.

After the NAFTA question, before Clinton responded, she complained of a media bias against her and very pro-Obama:

“Could I just point out that in the last several debates, i seem to get the first question AL the time. and i don’t mind, i would be happy to field them *fishing for laughs… no dice* but i do find it curious… if anyone saw Saturday Night Live maybe we should ask Barack if he’s comfortable and needs a pillow. I just keep getting the first question on all of these issues.”

Unfortunately for Clinton, she came off as whiny with her complaint, as she tried, unsuccessfully, to solicit a few laughs from SNL fans. And the brief rant seemed to take her off track momentarily.

Last night’s debate was viewed by many as Clinton’s last stand. The New York senator stood tall, tough and even mentioned on a few occasions that she has proved herself to be a great fighter tonight, but when it all was said and done, Clinton was unable to succeed at the daunting task of pulling herself out of the ditch she and her poorly run campaign are in currently.

Right now the race is in a dead heat, with Clinton’s once large lead over Obama having diminished recently.

Don’t be surprised if, starting tomorrow and moving toward the big primaries in Ohio and Texas, Obama takes a notable and fairly sizable lead in the polls.

*Also seen on Obama Fandom

According to recent polls, Senator Barack Obama has a better chance at beating Sen. John McCain on the national stage than Sen. Hillary Clinton.

Check the polls:

• MSNBC
• USA Today
• Associated Press

Other Obama articles:

• “Does Obama’s Winning Streak Prove that Race Doesn’t Matter?” by Jay Tolson (U.S. News & World Report)
• “Goodbye To All That: Why Obama Matters” by Andrew Sullivan (The Atlantic)

The last thing the next American president need worry about — while handling the rigorous duties of battling global terrorism, global warming, oil prices, international relations between conflicting countries and the endless list of “fun” items on the inherited to-do list — is disloyalty within his or her own circle of trust.

The New York Times story yesterday, that ruffled many a feather, revealed a vitally important issue to discuss within the campaign headquarters of potential next-president-to-be John McCain: if elected, will he be able to assemble the perfect array of loyal cabinet members, ready to stick by him through thick and thin, through sickness and in health, till the conclusion of a term do they part?

Anonymous sources, a picture of an attractive lobbyist and the hype of a highly-anticipated presidential election catapulted The Times’ story from being a simple rehash of eight-year-old news, to a titillating tale of mistrust and vindictiveness within the McCain headquarters.

This story never happens if McCain has a tighter-knit, loyal circle of trust.

For as much as scrutiny Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton experienced when she changed her campaign manager following opponent Barack Obama’s Potomac Primaries sweep, the loyalty of her circle never fell in question; or, if it did, her circle was well-established enough to keep any potential rift under wraps. If only McCain had taken notes…

Obama, the surging, seemingly invincible candidate, is a shining example of how to run a tight-knit, closely guarded but openly honest campaign. Though fairly inexperienced in comparison with McCain and Clinton, Obama has a knack for setting up and maintaining a solid circle of trust. Without a well-run, loyal base, he never would have managed to careen from unlikely yet inspiring long-shot, to perennial, once-in-a-lifetime, can’t-miss presidential candidate.

McCain’s chances of inheriting the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue are dwindling with every mishap within his circle. Last year, when he was low on funds and lost a close campaign adviser, people counted him out. As he made his way to the current standing as lead and presumed Republican presidential candidate, McCain’s comeback was promoted as a glowing example of resiliency and perseverance; it should have been seen as a glowing example of why he may be the wrong choice for president.

Say what you will about the regime of President George W. Bush, but his inner circle has remained blindly loyal to the bitter end of his two-term presidential rule. Even when they screwed up, Bush loyalists stood proud and tall, in plain sight of his mishaps and inefficiencies.

This should remind us that among the varied qualities we demand of the next American president, this election year campaign demands that we pay closer attention to a candidate’s ability to surround themselves with a loyal, trustworthy bunch.

The last thing this country needs is for rumors and leaks to seep out of the presidential cabinet while dealing with an international, life-threatening conflict. The American reputation has enough dents to last a lifetime already. Thanks to McCain for setting such a noteworthy example.